to jackson on his third

dear jack,

today you are three years old. there is no doubt about it, you are no longer a baby. this year has brought us so much joy. we watched you become potty trained (almost 100%) and began using full, run-on sentences. we watched you play with your cousin mattie and form a strong bond with her. it seems like you know when she is having rough days, because you look up from your toys and say something about her. you have even told me "mattie has bad booboo" but the scary part is, you don't even know she is sick...or what the word "bad" is.

you continue to abuse the dog, and i do nothing to stop it - i think i appreciate it sometimes. you love the garbage man like he is a parent, and you continue to make friends wherever you go. people often tell us you are the cutest little boy they have ever seen. you remember everything...i think you get it from your aunt nea.

you are a shopper. you often tell me i need to pick something up from the "gwocery stoooore" or the "fish stooooore" and you give the best cuddles after your nap. you have been asking me to rock you and i don't mind it at all.

you have given us challenges this year, and we struggle in maintaining our discipline. i sometimes feel as though we fail you in this department, but we are trying....i promise you. our ability to parent like normal parents has been affected by your beloved mattie and her illness. we don't sleep when you are sick, and i can feel my heart beat a little faster any time you come down with a cold, or even have an "off day." i am so sorry for that, but i don't know that it will ever go away. loving you so much can be scary for me.

you seem to be excited about your little sister, claire. you helped build the shelves in her room and tell everyone it's your job to get her diapers. you love books and to count. tom and jerry are heroes in your little blue eyes, and you often tell us tales of their adventures. you adore your daddy's tools and talk about going fishing this summer. your daddy is counting down the days until he can take you. your daddy loves you so much.

thanks for making me a mom. thanks for making me a happy person, and to see the important things in my life. thanks for sharing your snacks, and patting my back when i get terrible morning sickness. and for understanding me on the days when i just want to hold you a little longer than necessary. and for holding me, too. you always seem to know when i need it most.

please don't stop being my alarm clock at 7am...those little hands in my hair are some of my most treasured moments....when i keep my eyes closed because i know the longer i do, the longer you play with my hair - trying to wake me. please don't stop reminding me to appreicate the small things in life...like a new box of crayons or the genuine laugh of a little boy having fun.

my hope for you is that the world continues to treat you with the genuine love and sweetness that you express into it, each day that you breathe. i couldn't have asked for a more perfect child because i had no idea a person of your calibur could exist.

i love you so much.

love, mommy