Tuesday, April 20, 2010

needing to exhale

i need to exhale some of the things that are heavy on my chest.

i am worried about baby claire's arrival. i am worried that i just.won't.love.her as much as i love jackson.

i am worried that his life will be turned upside down, that he will be hurt, that he will be sad. so i know that he is the 120954355 trillionth kid to have a sibling? YES. does it make it any easier on my heart? NO. i am scared to hurt his heart.

i am worried that m's family won't love her. they are very distant from jack, and always have been. that hurts too.

i am worried that i will have ZERO patience with my mother while she is here. she can be a tough one to get along with.

i am worried about the finances. granted, we have saved and planned for this baby better than we have ever done before, but with our mortgage and insurance premiums being almost equal, with an increase due to happen upon her arrival, it scares me. because we just won't be able to afford it. something will have to give.

i am scared about mattie. everything about it. talk about poor timing.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010