Tuesday, April 20, 2010

needing to exhale

i need to exhale some of the things that are heavy on my chest.

i am worried about baby claire's arrival. i am worried that i just.won't.love.her as much as i love jackson.

i am worried that his life will be turned upside down, that he will be hurt, that he will be sad. so i know that he is the 120954355 trillionth kid to have a sibling? YES. does it make it any easier on my heart? NO. i am scared to hurt his heart.

i am worried that m's family won't love her. they are very distant from jack, and always have been. that hurts too.

i am worried that i will have ZERO patience with my mother while she is here. she can be a tough one to get along with.

i am worried about the finances. granted, we have saved and planned for this baby better than we have ever done before, but with our mortgage and insurance premiums being almost equal, with an increase due to happen upon her arrival, it scares me. because we just won't be able to afford it. something will have to give.

i am scared about mattie. everything about it. talk about poor timing.


  1. Sending you ((HUGS)), prayers, and good thoughts. You're a great mommy and I know you'll make this transition as easy on Jack as possible. You will love them both more than you can ever imagine, I have faith. There is room in your heart for both.


  2. Sending lots of hugs and prayers. You're a great mom. I know things will all work out as they should. HUGS!

  3. Giving Jack a sibling won't hurt his heart, it will put more love into it. Yes, he will have to share your attention, but he will gain so much more from having a sister to play with, love on, and take care of. I honestly felt the same way when I was pregnant with Violet. Their bond is amazing and each of them has grown with each other.

  4. You know in your head that the answers to all the baby-related worries will fade away once she arrives and steals a part of everyone's heart. But it is the lot of a mom to worry, and so you do. Wishing you a peaceful heart today and peace to everyone who loves Mattie for every step of the journey!!!

  5. it'll all fall into place.
    try to relax mama.

    i worried so much about loving lane like i did koley when i was expecting her. the minute you hold the girl you won't think twice. promise.