Monday, December 7, 2009
since thanksgiving a lot of things have changed. our niece's status has changed from "cancer free" to "terminal." we are devastated and at a loss. she is currently participating in an experimental study at st. jude's that is a lot of work and invasive to her little body. we will see.
our guest that is arriving sunday just informed us she has invited 4-5 other guests. nice.
last evening we (i) learned some other news that is completely worrysome and troubling to our little family. as in when i walked into the house, my husband said "you can't be serious?" uh yeah. wish i was, my darling. i hate our lives being in limbo. i am growing weary of it and it seems to keep happening.
Monday, November 2, 2009
what a ham! before halloween we painted our pumpkins. he is obsessed with painting pumpkins. i would never have thought he remembered from last year. he doesn't forget anything. i think he gets it from nea! he certainly doesn't get that from ME!
my SIL and her new boyfriend came with us. we had a really really nice time. jack loved the both of them and had so much fun! jack said "fank you" everytime he got candy and even said it to the kids he passed out the candy to! way cute.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
it was catered by an INCREDIBLE catering company that served lobster rolls (a new england tradition), orange seared scallops, a delicious truffle custard, guacamole and margartias (the boys' FAVORITE) and the most incredible entrees and AMAZING desserts we have ever eaten.
i did the flowers and the place settings, including the brown ribbons on the napkins. that deserves a whole other post :) the boys wanted locally grown, natural-looking flowers. my mom and i got these at a local apple orcahrd farm stand where i worked as a young teenager.
this is the tent we rented. it's where the boys had thier ceremony and i never thought it would have fit! see how dense the woods are? the trees are so thick it's sometimes hard to walk. it was perfect.
i adore this picture. my cousin peter, who has my grandma's firey red hair, and his mom (my mom's sister) are standing with my second cousin james. the guy with the laptop is my uncle (mom's brother) and beside him is my great aunt. i simply adore her. she is my grandmother's last remaining sister. she is almost 90. every time i see her her health declines, and her husband didn't even make it out this day. her hair is blonde as blonde can be, and she has so much spunk and personality.....i love her to the moon and back. i fear the end is coming. i simply can't handle it. i am so happy she was there.
my mom and sister. that's all i have to say about that.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
on another note, i feel like there are so many things in my life right now that are just hanging in limbo, dependent on others to determine. i hate it. i hate leaving my fate up to another, especially when sometimes you feel like you can't trust people.
hopefully things will be changing!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
today i changed his diaper and said "ewwwwwwwww louis! you stink!" he said "sorry, mommy!"
just now he hugged the fridge and gave it a kiss.
i made a sad noise when i dopped my bag this morning and he said "it okay, mommy" and hugged me.
he comes rolling into the kitchen on his tricycle with marc's bike helmet on. sideways.
i heart him.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
when your little one is ready for table food, use a cheap-o pair of kitchen shears or plain scissors. you can cut more precisely and quickly. keep a spare in your diaper bags for restaruants, to avoid a mess and akward cutting. it will also help to cut up food that is too hot (isn't it always?) to cool quicker. when i was running my daycare, it was a MUST HAVE ITEM.
when you have a sick toddler, and are using the armpit method of taking his temp, dress him in a sleeveless shirt or muscle tee. no pulling arms through of sleeves or fishing around in a loose t-shirt. you know how it is when you have a fever-ish toddler that is c.r.a.b.b.y.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
in my old job, as a child protective services worker, i had a variety of clients. ther ewere a few that stuck out in my mind. a few that i will never forget.
one will never leave my memory. in fact, i think of him every.single.day. he came to me as the father of an itty-bitty baby. he had a drug problem. he was violent and angry. he was manipulative and deceitful. he was charming, he was sweet, he was nice. we will call him brad.
brad was in a hostile realtionship with his daughter's mom. they manipulated each other and manipulated me. he had a serious problem with drugs. a serious problem. when he came to me, he had been through 22 treatment programs and was still using crack cocaine. he had a very inappropriate relationship with his own mother, and she was waaaay too involved in his life. she enabled him and bailed him out.
whenever he would call me, i went to him. i once got a call that he was high and destroying property, and was dangerous to be around. i hopped in my car, arrived at his place, and begged him to let me in. he broke down and cried and we talked. i convinced him that he was better than this, because he was. he came from a nice family, had an expensive education, and he did not belong with the other families that i worked with.
i saw him weekly. he called me no less than 5-10 times a day. he was a little....high-maintenance. :) he would often show up in my lobby, demanding to see me, making a scene. his hair would be sticking out, his fly would be open, but he always greeted me with that rediculous, goofy smile. even when he was in prison or jail, and i would visit him there, and he woudl shout and spit at me through the glass...he would always look like a little boy.
as much as he manipulated me, and made look like a fool, and even as many times as i went to bat for him....i liked him a lot. i always told him so, and that he had so much potential. his mother would scream at me. she would call me names. she would manipulate me, too. they all did.
towards the end, he spiraled out of control. i had a very memorable conversation with him, urging him to "do the right thing....." what everyone knew he was capable of. i reassured him that i had faith in him, and that i would see him the next day at 1pm. he said "sarah, thanks. i may abuse you, but i appreciate all you have ever done for me. you're the only one who has never turned their back on me." i was happy.
the next morning, i arrived at sharon's house (his mom) to see his baby. when i got there sharon told me "well, sarah, you got your wish. brad won't be a problem anymore. he's dead." i stared at her and said no, no he wasn't. that i had an appointment with him soon after i was leaving her home. she nodded and said that brad had taken his own life. and it was my fault.
she said many more things to me, things that i can't even repeat. things i know are not true, but that stick in the back of my mind.....i think about him every single day of my life. i drive by the place where his funeral took place every time i leave my house. i wonder about him and his mom. there were so many incidents with him, on a daily occurence, that stick out in my mind. years of daily interactions. some hilarious, some sad. some that make me furious, some that embarrass me.
i remember the look on his dad's face as i walked to my car that day. the way he chased me and said "sarah! it's not your fault. it's not anyone's fault. it was his destiny." and the way i burst into tears and cried. and cried. and cried. and got sent home from work that day. the way that i layed on my couch and waited for my mom's flight to arrive for my baby shower. i remember every minute of his funeral, and the way his family's eyes burned into my back. the nudges and glances as well as the knowing looks of "oh.....you're the one who was supposed to help him."
i think that is why i watch intervention. i see brad in every addict. i see sharon in every.single.family.member. i look for the thing i missed. i know i did everything in my power, and i know i could not have changed his fate. if he hadn't died by his own hand, he would have died from the drugs. but then why am i still looking?
Monday, June 15, 2009
per usual, your blog (yawn) is full of things written/done by other people. don't beleive me? here's your pic.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
my homey dr. phil says that you can't expect reactions from others and then get disappointed when you don't receive them. i need to stop expecting certain reactions from those i love or even just like, even those i know are capable and willing to give the best of themselves to others. even those who i KNOW give those actions to others.
that's it. that's all. the end :)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
i moved to ohio. humid, dry, flat ohio. columbus, where people think a particular zip code is a bragging right. where i learned the rules and rituals of dorm life. where i watched people go home on the weekends, and on holidays. where i watched through email that all my friends from home were still hanging out. i learned to depend on myself, and only myself.
i got a job. 2 jobs, in fact. i still went to school full time and shared an apartment off campus and had a new boyfriend. some of my realtionships from freshman year dwindled and i started a new job on a whim, and never expected my life to change so dramatically. i met her at the daycare, our lives were as about as differnt as they could be. her name was nea and she had a one year old baby girl. she was married and had moved here from sunny california.
although we seemed different at that time, it was amazing to see how much the same we were. we liked the same things, had teh same passions, have the same thoughts. if you ever got on either one of our bad sides......we have been known to tag team. and not in THAT way. i don't even think we particularly cared for each other very much at first.
now, almost 10 years later, we are still tight. i graduated from ohio state, married that boyfriend, and had a baby. she bought a house, had TWO MORE KIDS, and moved away.
i don't think i will ever get over that. thinking about her moving is like being dropped off in my dorm room all over again. that panicky feeling of looking to the left and to the right, wondering "what the fuck am i going to do now?" only she understands truly how it feels to watch your heart walk away as you leave your beloved family members at the airport. or how it is to have no family there to celebrate holidays, or your birthday with. to have no gifts to open....
i recently asked her why she thought i have had so many failed relationships in the past year. she told me that i am trying to replace/reinvent something that i am missing. that feeling of having someone so close to you that they can understand what you are saying when you say "do we need to go to that place, and get that thing?" and know what it is you are saying. she thinks i am desperate to get it.
the truth is, i don't want to replace her. i don't want to, and don't think that i ever could, find someone to fill her shoes.
but i still want her here. i miss you, bonquita.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
so i called our new provider and told them they needed to give me the extra $ that i have to pay to ADT, as a credit each month. and they did! so we will get and extra $15 off our bill, which is actually a little more than we will owe to ADT. sweet!
and M brought home some plants today...actually, they are trees! for free! now our home will start to look (a little) like a landscape architect DOES live here! lol
(no, they are not blue holly, miss nea) :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
lately i have been feeling overwhelmed and like i am in a sinking hole. i have had to step back from a few engagements, which makes me sad, but at the same time, i have no choice.
it's really funny. this time last year, my income was higher. we had more overall debt. we had zero money in savings and were sturggling. right now, we have pretty much ZERO debt. we should mainly be out of it in the next month or two, and it was only incurred from having to use one credit card from our robbery for a month. our income is less, but we have money in savings and are doing better overall.
i truly think getting rid of my dayvare kid(s), which was sucking the LIFE out of me (and their non-complying parents) taught me so many things and we are so so so much happier now. i am not a prayer-type person, but i have been praying and hoping and trying to see things in different lights....and it's working. we are about to begin some exciting (to us, at least) projects around our home and rather than always chasing that bigger-better-more mentality, we are going to make the best of what we have.
sorry for rambling. it's just sort of a looming cloud. but a happy cloud, like bob ross said :)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
1. i once saw someone i know on jerry springer
2. my friend once got robbed at a bank, and put into the vault
3. i never was a fan of NKOTB when they were popular
which two are the truth and which one is a lie?
Monday, April 27, 2009
my friend erin inspired me for these. she makes them often and i 100% borrowed the idea from her (www.erintenneyjohnson.blogspot.com). they are super simple and soooo good. she serves her without the plastic covering, but i serve mine with the plastic. (does that count as how i make it my own? lol)
here's how we do it:
supplies: one bag of large marshmallows, one package of thin sticks, one package of small cellaphane treat bags, one package of Wilton Candy Melters, and colored sprinkles.
before i start i roll the marshys between my hands slightly to shape them up and insert the stick as far as it will go before it pokes out the end. do this with al of them.
in a double boiler melt the chocolate according to the directions. remove bowl from double boiler and dip in the marshys until halfway covered. stand upright in a container but don't allow them to touch. (i use a drinking glass - they lean over the side) and sprinkle with, well, sprinkles! they will get everywhere but it's okay. they will dry in about 5 minutes. (i would do batches of the marshys, they will cool too fast if you do them all at once).
once they are cooled, put them in the small cellaphane bags and tie with coordinating ribbons as tightly as you can.
erin did some her way with strawberry marshys and white chocolate. hers had easter-colored sprinkles and i made some for jack's elmo party with yellow sprinkles and red sprinkles. and mine for easter were classic chocolate with easter-colored sprinkles.
make it your own with white chocolate drizzled over your marshys, or even something else!